Priorities: A Newsletter from Susan Martin
It’s summertime, which means hundreds of new students are getting ready to attend the wonderful University of Tennessee – Knoxville. As the summer sessions continue and the fall session begins, I wanted to send out this newsletter explaining what some of my priorities are as Provost of this fine university.
1. With all the money that the football team brings in, I feel a bowl game trip is unneeded and a distraction from the class room for the student athletes.
2. Neyland Stadium takes up too much space on campus, which is why I am campaigning for it to be converted into new classrooms.
3. In order to cut back on athletic spending, both men’s and women’s basketball teams will be coached by one head coach. Louis “Sweet Lou” Dunbar will leave his position as assistant coach of the Harlem Globetrotters and take over for Coach Martin and Coach Warlick effectively immediately.
4. I intend awarding several hardship points to the university’s APR score. These points come from me having a few hard days where I actually had to work. Oh, and I stubbed my toe yesterday. It was an owwie.
5. I have informed all head coaches that they may only recruit Teen Jeopardy! or National Spelling Bee winners. We only want the best at the University of Tennessee. Hey, they are on ESPN after all.